So, in the blink of an eye, the last day of the year is upon us again. WHAT!!!— How did time fly?
I could still vividly remember the day I came home from Bali in January, having completed the last of my ‘sabbatical trips’ in 2019 after I quit my corporate job. My intention was to have a good few months’ break and then work hard in 2020 to establish my healing practice before planning any travels again. And then the first news of COVID-19 broke in the throes of Chinese New Year festivities. Even then, none of us thought twice about it, naively brushing it aside as ‘one of those things that happens elsewhere’.
How wrong all of us were, as this seemingly innocuous cold virus would soon set off a chain of events that would bring the unsuspecting world to a complete standstill.
We all knew what happened next, don’t we?
Well, this post then sums up the A to Z of an unforgettable 2020 for me – the good, the bad, and importantly, the lessons.
A – Acceptance : Of new norms. Of masks, social distancing, TraceTogether and travel bans. It wasn’t pleasant, but it was necessary for the greater good. Grumbling about it won’t stop the spread but accepting that the new norm is here to stay works wonder for the psyche!
B – Breath : Something which I learnt to appreciate before COVID, but which I hold in even higher regard after COVID. How refreshing it is to be able to breathe freely without a mask. I am never going to take you for granted again!
C – Connection : Everything and everyone is interlinked and COVID reminded us how connected we all are in the grand scheme of things. Personally, in the absence of physical meetups, I got to connect more with people via online means. Miss someone? Text or videocall them! Interested in a course? Go online for classes! I even managed to send Distance Reiki to loved ones and stay energetically connected to them!
D – Death : The death of yet another family member to cancer drove home the meaning of impermanence. My uncle retired just a few years back having slogged all his life providing for his family. He was also an active retiree who exercised regularly and so ready to enjoy life. His diagnosis and death came swift (just eight months), reminding us that death does not have a set time, nor does it discriminate. The truth is, nothing and nobody stay forever, and if death is the only constant in life, why not make every living moment in the here and now count?
E – Ego : Keeping ego in check. When ego tries to pour cold water over my ideas and hopes. When ego tries to convince me that I will fail at what I am doing. When ego makes me believe I am unworthy of love. When ego tries to push the blame to others. When ego threatens to distort the truth. Reminding myself that I am a healer, not God. Reminding myself that it is okay for me to be vulnerable and shit. Constantly.
F – Facebook Post : In February, I mustered all my courage to put up a Facebook post offering free Reiki to friends. The nerve of it, when I haven’t even completed Level 3. I figured that the Universe will send the right people my way if it is meant to be. I get to practise and they get to experience the beauty of Reiki. What this little experiment did taught me was that with good intentions and a brave heart (and thick skin), there can be no failures, only experience.
G – Gratitude : Of course, a Healer’s Lodge blog post would not be complete if it doesn’t hit the sweet G-spot. 2020 was a tough year. But for all the hardships and challenges, I only have gratitude and more gratitude for the many opportunities it brought me. I was able to spend precious time doing what I enjoy and love, with the people who matter most. Long walks in the park, morning meditation with the birds, breakfast dates with my family, naps and tons of self-care. Warm meals and a roof over my head. Healthy body. What more?
H – Heartbreak : Another breakup, another heartbreak. In the throes of sadness and grief, I questioned if I’ll ever find love, if I’m worthy of love. In looking inwardly, I realised the answer. I am love and will always be worthy of love. But I have to learn to love myself first before I could extend that love to others. Some people come into our lives to stay. Some people come into our lives to teach us lessons. I suppose then this is the greatest gift of love that anyone can give us.
I – Inspiration : “Thank you so much Karen for being such a blessing! You inspire me a lot to go on my own self-healing journey...”
And that—that’s what it’s all about.
J – Joy : When you’re happy doing what you’re doing, you never have to work a single day of your life. Having the freedom to choose how I spend my time and energy is liberating and joyful. I may never earn what I used to earn, but I have never been more joyful either.
K – Karen : This year is all about learning who the real Karen is. Recognising her, getting reacquainted with her, and accepting all of her. The inner child who has been screaming for recognition and freedom to be – I see you and I hear you, my dear.
L – Love : Perhaps my theme in 2020. Self-love. Unconditional love. True love. Lessons in love. As my teacher so pointedly said :
“A true heart-to-heart connection can only happen when you can love her as she is, as you. And she loves you as you are, as her, after taking away the shadows of your parents in both of you. No shadows, no pretense, just two persons in their pure authentic selves wanting to love each other.”
M – Mindfulness and Meditation : My saviour in trying times. Facing so much uncertainty this year, meditation provided a peaceful refuge for me, a safe harbour from the crazy storms. In fact, one of the most important reflections that came through a session stayed with me — “If there is no change, how can there be breakthrough?”
An obscured mind sees obstacles, but in mindfulness we see opportunities.
N – Nature : Nature always helps to soothe sad and tired souls. I swear by nature’s therapy. God knows how many times I would cry buckets in the park and the trees would just hold space for me in silence until my emotions subside. And did you notice how nature blossomed at the start of COVID when the skies cleared up? Well there, man needs nature just as nature needs man. More so in a tiny concrete jungle like Singapore, any form of connection to nature is a true blessing!
O – Old Wounds : Revisiting old wounds hurt, but it was necessary in order to heal and to grow. This year, wounds that I thought had healed resurfaced as I struggled to hold onto my long-distance relationship. My patterns of insecurity and the incessant need to be seen and heard and valued broke the camel’s back but in truth, it all boiled down to the fact that I had never fully love myself. If I didn’t even see, hear and value myself, why would anyone else? If I know my worth, nobody could devalue me. If I know truly who I am, nobody could make me doubt myself. The moment I could see the patterns and begin to work on myself, true healing begins.
P – Past : The past can be a very tempting place to dwell in. For two months I was literally sucked into the nostalgia of the past as I kept reminiscing about my failed relationship. It was really mindfulness and self-awareness that helped me overcome this dark period. The good thing was, I found that the more I became aware of my thoughts and emotions, the faster I was able to snap out of that debilitating state. The past is gone now, learn from the lessons and move on.
Q – Queer : If I love you, that’s because I love the soul in you. Love is love. Period.
R – Reiki : Of course it has to be Reiki! I never knew what my purpose in life was until I was introduced to Reiki. If you ask me, being a healer isn’t the purpose, but remembering myself is! The more I practise Reiki as a way of life, the more I could relate to its philosophy. Healing is all about remembering our true selves. By doing our own internal work, we allow true healing to happen and only when we heal ourselves, can we heal others. After all, there are two ‘I’s in Reiki – one for you and one for me!
S – Soul Tribe : Setting up Healer’s Lodge to become a Reiki healer was a venture into the unknown and I must admit that the darkness still scares me at times, when I get crippled with worries and doubts.
Enter my soul tribe.
Friends who showed up, be it in volunteering their warm bodies for my Reiki practice or just being there for me in spirit. Strangers on my social page turned friends offering kind words of support and inspiration (some feel like I’ve known them forever). People coming to me randomly for advice and healing support. New friends who somehow just get me instantly and share my belief and vision. Well, I suppose when the Universe can’t send you angels, they send you your soul tribe! To you in reading, thank you for being with me on this journey.
T – Travel : Who knew that Bali would be the last time I traveled? In fact, now that we have experienced COVID, who knew what’s going to happen next! I will never take anything for granted again.
U – Underrated : The medical folks and the essential workers, obviously. And self-care. 2020 really opened my eyes to what self-care can do for one’s spirit, mind and body. If we cannot take care of our bodies, how can we take care of others? If we don’t care for us, who will?
V – Volition : Everything in life is a choice. We make our own reality with our intentions and choices. I choose to see 2020 as a gift rather than a bane. For one, it gave me Healer’s Lodge!
W – Win At What Cost : I didn’t realise how determined I was to win at all cost in relationships and how much stress it puts to others. I used to think that my view is the right view, if only the other person could view it from where they are. See how paradoxical that itself is? What I saw shocked me (and my ego) but I now know how futile it is to assume rightness. Would you prefer to be right or would you prefer to be love? Constant reminder to myself now.
X – X-ing : Axing toxic patterns and people from my life. What I learnt this year is to stand up for my boundaries and learning to say NO, even if it offends. There is only so much time and energy we have, and I’d rather save them for more deserving purpose and people.
Y – Ys : Learning how to stop asking the WHYs because not everything in life has an answer. What good would it make if you have the answer? What would it change? It is what it is, and maybe that’s how it’s meant to be.
Z – Zzz : I wrote about this in my previous blog post. How important it is to acknowledge when we need to pause and take a break and not feel any guilt or shame in doing that. I felt so good during that enforced break and would not hesitate to do it again and again and again… Try it for yourself! Your body will thank you for it!
So, this, is my 2020 in a nutshell, perhaps best encapsulated by this old Yiddish proverb :
Man plans, and God laughs.
I wish you a blessed 2021 filled with abundance of love, peace and joy. Onwards!
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